|TOUR SUCKS BOOK!
||[Dec. 3rd, 2013|11:23 am]
Hey folks this is TOUR SUCKS. A collection of stories from various bands telling troubling tales of the road. I co-edited it, I compiled the stories, I drew tiny comic and I wrote a story!
Check it out!
|Ryan Booth in The Friendship Bracelet.
||[Nov. 16th, 2013|09:33 pm]
Another HIIIILLLLARIOOUUSSSS inside joke comic. I made this on the spot while thinking about the time that Nolen, Ryan Booth (above) and I got friendship bracelets at Pinballz.
Later that night we fought an army of skeletons. But that's for another time.
|Tony Anderson the Actor and the tale of PAULS POWER SAUCE
||[Nov. 15th, 2013|05:41 pm]
|||||Pauls Power Sauce - Beck||]|
Tony Anderson and I had high school drama class together. He was the lead in all the school plays already so he really had nothing to learn in that class.
We always grouped together to do improv or acting assignments in the class. For the whole second semester our improvs or whatever we had to perform in front of the class always ended with him stabbing me while he said "okay!" in a menacing voice. I was really into running gags.
One of the assignments in the class was to make an advertisement for a fake product. Here is the script for ours which I'm typing down from memory.
Opens to a man sitting by himself looking down in the dumps. This is GREG.
GREG: Uuugh, I'm so depressed. I got nothing to live for. I'm just worthless.
Two strapping young lads walk walk in from both sides of GREG.
TONY: Feeling down in the dumps my man?
RICK: Need an ego boost!?
GREG: Yeah Yeah!
TONY: Then you need some PAULS..
Rick and Tony high five.
TONY pulls up a glamorous bottle of the drink PAULS POWER SAUCE.
GREG: Paul's power sauce? What is it?
RICK: Its a carbonated drink that gives you the ego and confidence of a white lion.
Greg opens the bottle and takes a nice big swig.
GREG: Wow! smiling from ear to ear. I feel great! I finally have the confidence..to rob that store!
Greg pulls out a pistol.
GREG: To Rick Thanks Paul!
RICK: I'm not Paul..
GREG: To Tony. Thanks Paul!
TONY: looking really insulted. I'm not Paul..
Greg wanders off with a smile on his face, a skip in his step and a pistol in his hand.
RICK: Now let's hear from some satisfied customers.
A man walks behind where Rick and Tony are standing...
TONY: Excuse me sir...
DUSTIN: Yes, can I..
Before he can finish Tony hits Dustin over the head with a baseball bat which knocks him unconscious.
The camera focus's in and we see Dustin sitting in a chair unconscious and we hear Rick and Tony whispering. Dustin has a hand coming from offscreen on his chin and Rick is standing next to him.
RICK: Sir, what do you think of the rejuvenating effects of Pauls Power Sauce?
An off camera voice talks for dustin as a hand open and closes his mouth.
DUSTIN: I think it's great. I really love the....
Dustin starts to come to.
DUSTIN: in a daze. What!? Wait? Where am I?
Before Dustin can even stand up. Tony appears from off camera and hits Dustin over the head with the baseball bat.
RICK: That's right! Everybody loves the White Lion feel of Pauls..
They high five.
Greg wanders up to Rick and Tony cupping a gun shot wound on his chest.
GREG: dying. Guys, I failed...
TONY: Here! Drink this!
Gives Greg the bottle of Pauls Power Sauce. And Greg drinks it the best he can.
GREG: Will it cure me?
RICK: No, but it will let you die like a proud White Lion.
RICK: As we should mention, Pauls Power Sauce has some side effects. Such as whooping cough, Diarrhea..
Rick cups his mouth and mumbles...
RICK: ..cramps, dandruff...
Before he can finish, Gregs reanimated corpse gets up and attacks Rick.. Rick pushes him off.
RICK: Tony! Do something!
Rick tosses Tony the Pauls Power Sauce and Tony chugs the whole bottle. He turns to the zombie ready for a rumble. Dustin shows back up out of the blue.
DUSTIN: I know how to fix this! Wait! Did you say zombie? I thought you said circus midgets..
Tony bops Dustin over the head with the baseball bat and starts fighting the zombie. They both hit the ground with Tony being the victor but badly injured.
Tony uses his remaining strength to crawl up to Rick.
TONY: I can at last die with the pride of a White Lion.
RICK: Antoine, no!
TONY: dying Pauls...
RICK: crying ...Power...
TONY: with his last breath ...Sauce...
Rick looks a bit upset then looks at the camera with that goofy smile
RICK: As you can see! Pauls Power Sauce gives you results!
Undead Tony grabs Ricks collar and pulls him down with a growl as Rick screams his final scream.
Ms. Matney, our drama teacher videotaped all the commercials and showed them to all the other drama classes and they were voted on which was best. Ours got second place. I've only remained upset about that for one reason. The kid who won had a commercial that was exactly a bit from Futurama. Exactly!
The kids name was Adam and I had always criticized him for not being original with anything he ever said. Most of his jokes were from the the Simpsons. Sure, our skit had a Ren and Stimpy joke in it, but that was Dustin's idea. I want my imaginary trophy!
Anywho, today is Tony's birthday and I never actually talk to him. I'm sure he's still as hilarious as I think I am. I believe he's also done some voice acting. I'm sure he's more successful at it than I was/is.
|Another drawring youtube video.
||[Oct. 29th, 2013|06:58 pm]
I made this over the weekend for a screening that was Monday.
It's somewhat inspired by the Riff Trax: Night of the Living Dead event we went to the other night.
|A Halloween mix I made in 2008.
||[Oct. 17th, 2013|05:03 pm]
This was my first attempt to make a Halloween mix CD for my friends. I remember taking notes about what to put on it while I was on tour with Best Fwends the month before.
Kevan O'malley drew the cover. I made a bunch of copies and gave them away at the 1919 Hemphill Halloween show.
It's your basic run of spooky songs by popular punk bands (Misfits, Cramps, Groovie Ghoulies), some movie themes and other ghastly greats! I like it. It has 22 tracks.
|Annie, are you okay?
||[Oct. 9th, 2013|05:01 pm]
I took a Basic Life Support class awhile back. This little baby was my test subject.
FUN FACT: Did you know some of the lyrics to Smooth Criminal were inspired by Michael Jackson taking a CPR class? The test dummies are called "Annie". Before you perform CPR you ask the person if they are okay. "Annie are you okay?"
Me and my classmates just thought this was a funny coincidence.
There is also the line in the Smooth Criminal that goes "Mouth to mouth resuscitation sounding heartbeats, intimidations.."
||[Oct. 3rd, 2013|07:59 pm]
I was riding my bike to Lyndseys and a car ran a stop sign and hit me. I flew off my bike and landed on the ground. I kept yelling Why!? Stop Sign!?|
The woman rolled down her window and here's the conversation.
"Oh my god I'm so sorry!"
"It's fine. But WHY!?"
"I'm so sorry, I didn't see you"
"I was just sitting at the stop sign just now!"
"I didn't see you at the stop sign."
"You had one too! Why!?"
"I'm sorry. I probably couldn't see you because of your all black clothing"
"I'M WEARING A RED SHIRT! So this is my fault now!?"
"No, I'm not saying that..."
"It's fine, if you need me I'll be limping this way..."
And she drove off. I dropped the limping act as soon as she was away.
Wearing all black could not have been an excuse. It wasn't even dark yet. Maybe she thought I was a ninja and wanted to mow me down.
I should have responded with "I saw your all black car!"
Bike and I are fine. My right shin will probably have a big bruise on it soon.
||[Oct. 2nd, 2013|06:00 pm]
I text Brett every time I watch an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Me: People say that Star Trek TNG 2nd season is bologna. So far, I think it’s cute. Not good necessarily. But endearing.
Brett: What’s the last episode you watched?
Me: Two Picards!
Brett: Hehe that’s a good one. Anything with more Picard is good in my book.
Me: Uh oh! Rikers dad! This episode could get a little interesting. (But probably not)
Brett: Spoiler Alert: Just as creepy as Riker. I think. I don’t remember that episode very well.
Me: Lifting his dad leg all over everything….
Me: …and making out with the crappy doctor?
Me: May that episode burn in Hell.
Me: This TNG episode is called Pen Pals. Sounds very promisinv
Brett: Everyone dies.
Me: This episode is the plot line to the first scene of Star Trek into Darkness.
Me: Somebody told me I could skip season 2. But I would assume this Q episode with the introduction of the Borg is pretty cruc’. Baby Borg, out of this world!
Brett: Yeah don’t skip anything. They’re building up characters if nothing else. Plus Borg.
Me: This episode “Samaritan Snare” starts off with Picard and Wesley Crusher going on a six hour road trip. I hope they get over their differences, get to know each other and hopefully a musical number will happen. Sorry, 13.5 hour trip.
Brett: Don’t wanna spoil anything, but they get caught in a solar storm, are stranded on an island on a deserted planet and the entire rest of the series is about hijinx together on the island, where Wesley builds a communicator out of coconuts and generally gets on the captains nerves.
Me: Sounds way better than the enterprise going against a ship of big eyebrowed dumb bells.
Me: Irish settlers on the Enterprise and Worf with the Measles!? Kookiest episode yet!
Brett: And Riker sleeping with one of them, OF COURSE.
Me: I thought he just washed her feet.
Me: Deana’s mom is different. And drunker. And the giant from Twin Peaks chugging Romulan Ale?
Me: Uh oh! A spunky Klingon aka Worfs ex girlfriend is on board!
Me: Please tell me somewhere there are official rules to Stratagema and some nerd somewhere had made it real.
Me: Last episode of Season 2! Riker dreams of being alone and not having a beard. Do the two go hand and hand?
Brett: His beard is what gives him his sexual prowess. Like Samson’s hair gave him strength.
Me: The last episode is just a clip show of Riker getting in on..
Me: So that concludes Rick and Bretts famous texts about the second half of season 2 of Star Trek. Any final thoughts Brett? See you season 3?
Brett: It’s been a wild ride!
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